TheDating Nerdis a shadowy figure whose whereabouts and identifying details remain unknown. What we do know is that he is really, really good at dating. Hes been on more dates than you can shake a lengthy bar tab at, and hes here to help the average guy step his dating game up a notch or several.
Maybe this is shallow, but I dont care. Im kind of an average-looking dude. Maybe a bit ugly, but not drastically so. Ive hooked up a few times in my life, and had some good relationships (only one longer than a year, but still), but now Im 25 and Im realizing that Ive never dated a truly beautiful woman. At least once in my life, I want to sleep with someone beautiful. Thats not crazy, right? The problem is, I have no idea how to do it. Usually I dont even have the guts to approach them. Im great at grinning at them awkwardly and then striking up an awesome conversation with one of my buddies or flirting hard with any girl who doesnt seem drastically out of my league, but at this point in my life, I just ask myself, What if I wasnt deathly afraid of beautiful women? What do I do? Is it possible for a regular guy to date highly attractive people?
The answer is yes! Absolutely. Beautiful women are not unattainable. Theyre even, like, kind of attainable. Yes, even for you. Especially if you listen closely to what Im about to tell you. (Ill preface it with two disclaimers, however.)
First, there are no guarantees here. If you want the magic spell thatll make the worlds most beautiful women fall in love with you, it doesnt exist. All Im going to do is give you some general pointers, and some advice about how to think about the situation. And if you dont believe me when I say that there arent any surefire arcane secret techniques here, you can go to apickup artistforum, learn a bunch of scripted conversational tricks, buy a weird feathered hat, and strike out with a bunch of random women at the mall for six months, and become even more frustrated and confused.
Second, I want to address the question of shallowness. It would be easy for me to say, Sam, youre a shallow idiot. You should date based on interpersonal chemistry, not looks. And to a degree, thats true. But I also know that telling people what they should be attracted to is almost always an exercise in futility. If dating a jaw-droppingly beautiful woman is something you crave, then its something you crave, and pretending it isnt is only going to gnaw at you. Besides, you seem level-headed enough to recognize that beauty is just that beauty. A beautiful woman is no more or less likely to make you happy in other regards than an average-looking one. If, at least once in your life, hooking up with one will set your mind at ease, then who am I to tell you thats a fools errand? Likely, your happiest relationship will be with the person who makes you happiest, and thats something you cant fake, no matter what how anyone looks.
Now, onto the substance of your question. The thing you need to realize is that beautiful women are people. Just like you, they worry about whether people like them, get lonely in the middle of the night, and occasionally take some weird poops. They dont breathe a different kind of oxygen than you do. When they leave the bar, they dont hop into a private jet that takes them to Mount Olympus. This may be obvious to you, but its not to many of the men who rant about beautiful women, so Im dwelling on it, because I think its important
The beautiful women youre conjuring up in your head arent aliens, though a lot of guys seem to think they are. But if thats how you approach them, thats not them, thats you thats the weird stuff you put on them. For so many people, looking at truly beautiful people triggers some weird, deep, probably unhealthy intensity of feeling. It might be biological, or it might have something to do with seeing too many beautiful people every time we look at anything (televisions, movie screens, billboards, etc.)
And, so, as a result, beautiful women have to deal with weird behavior all the time. They get envy from other women, frequently, and, from men, they get this unfortunate cocktail of uninvited affection and, often, arbitrary resentment. Everyones throwing feelings at them. Beautiful people hate this. Sure, its nice to be pretty, but its also very, very annoying. Because people behave erratically around you. Correspondingly, one of the most refreshing things you can encounter, if youre very beautiful, is someone who just talks to you like, yknow, youre a normal person. Someone wholl chit-chat with you about random nonsense, and listen to what youre saying, and make fun of you if youre being stupid. When you dont have normal human companionship like that, life gets weirdly lonely. Everyone wants to please you, but nobody can just hang out with you.
Which means that your first step is be normal. Act, when youretalking to a beautiful woman, like you would with anyone else. Or at least approximate that, to the extent that you can. This isnt easy, I know. Its actually pretty hard. And, unfortunately, the only way to make it easier is to talk with beautiful women more. I dont mean you should approach them in grocery stores or in cafs. Do not force yourself upon unsuspecting victims. Every other guy out there is already doing this.
But moments of interaction between strangers happen every day, in real life and online. The next time you find yourself in a moment of interaction with a beautiful woman, treat it as an opportunity. Not in an awkward way where youre trying to get something out of it, but imagine your endgame is this: She should think youre just being friendly. Be polite, smile, try to make her laugh, and leave it at that. Let conversations bubble up and die quickly. Leave without asking for a number or trying to extend the conversation. Youre not trying to make it more than it is. Youre not likely to turn into a battle-scarred veteran whose pulse will barely rise when hes talking to a Victorias Secret model, but youll definitely be a bit more chill, which is key.
Before you do that, theres something else you need to remember. Which is that, lucky for you, in my experience, women are generally less shallow than men. To simplify things dramatically: Many women care about mens social status and behavior as much as their looks, if not more, and, men, well, typically, not so much. Is it innate in us or just a product of how society functions? Again, thats not for me to say. Its not true of all men and all women, obviously. Some women are absolutely shallow, and some men fall in love with homely but fascinating women.
But on average, its fair to say that an ugly guy has a better shot at dating a beautiful woman than vice versa. And its an important thing to keep in mind, because it gives an ugly-to-average-looking guy like you a lot of leeway. Updating your bone structure is possible, thanks to the latest in plastic surgery techniques, but updating how you present yourself socially and interpersonally is way easier, and definitely cheaper.
The first step, in fact, can be accomplished today, assuming you have some disposable income to play with: Get a few new outfits. Dress nicer. If you dont know how to do that, the standard go-to, as far as Im concerned, is black leather oxford shoes women really notice shoes some nice jeans, a blue oxford shirt, and a watch. Its not difficult. Alternatively, you could just walk into a nice clothing store, point at a mannequin that looks good, and say, Give me that outfit. This will save you a lot of time. Bring afemale friendwith you, if you have one of those (and I encourage you to, because, beyond friends just being a good thing generally, female friends can help you see brand-new perspectives when it comes to a lot of things in life) can help.
The second step is slightly more complicated, but its also not particularly cryptic: Do cool stuff. Be a guy who does interesting and/or prestigious things. This goes a long, long way. If youre kind of schlubby, but youre an entrepreneur, or some kind of athlete, or you have any other kind of interesting life, your dating prospects will improve hugely. What this means for you, reader, Im not sure, because Im not your life coach. But if youre working at a dead-end job, and all of your passions are lying dormant, take care of that first, before worrying about seducing anyone. A man whos driven, passionate, talented and/or experiencing some kind of tangible success is a hot commodity onthe dating market.
I say this from personal experience. Behind my Dating Nerd mask, Im kind of a weird-looking guy. But women like hanging out with writers, and I try to accrue unusual life experiences so that I have at least, like, three somewhat interesting things to say. And you would be totally offended if you saw some of the insanely attractive women Ive had a chance to date, just because Im slightly different than your average dude. Im not even that different. All Ive done is distinguish myself a tiny bit from the general masses of desperate dudes constantly pawing at any beautiful woman in sight. Do the same, and youre well on your way, my friend.
Think you could use some dating help, too? Email the Dating Nerd .
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