Columbus and Central Ohio Dating and Relationship Coaching

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Eleven Dating Mistakes Guys Make (And How To Correct Them)

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When I was in university, I knew a smart, educated woman with a great job who was dating a complete loser. He had no job, no education, and had spent more time in jail than in meaningful jobs. I was baffled as to why shed stick with him.

Ive addressed issues likewhy do women like jerks? Weve even given anentire presentationon the topic. You might not like it, but most people can at least see why women would find an exciting bad boy attractive. But, what about the pathetic loser that a lot of women date and stick with even though he may be unemployed, drug addicted, and even physically ugly?

So, heres the answer to the question: why do women date losers?

Scratch the surface of a loser and youll often find a bad boy underneath (or the shell of a bad boy).  Bad boy traits such as recklessness, rebellion, and criminality dont age well. So, when a woman falls for a guy whos a bad boy at eighteen, by 28 hes more of a worn out old man (who looks 40).

This bad boy might be missing teeth, addicted to drugs, chronically unemployed, and flabby. In other words, hes gone from an exciting and mysterious rebel to a certifiable loser. But, in spite of that new fact

The brain loves familiarity and routine. It also bonds us to individuals through various brain chemicals. The brain releases dopamine early in a relationship to create that infatuation feeling. Women bond with men through oxytocin. Its a powerful chemical that also creates the bond a woman has with her child.

Women typically bonded to these loser men early, back when they may not have been losers (at least in the eyes of the women). However, breaking the bond of love is emotionally painful for the brain.

It literally can create withdrawal and anxiety (even panic attacks). The girl may know rationally that hes horrible for her, but she fears the emotional pain that comes from ending the relationship. Or, she might have developed codependent behaviors. So, in some sick and twisted way, taking care of this man meets her needs.

This may not seem like a good answer because it should only apply to kids. But, its not always the case. Women have evolved to be especially good at nurturing and caring. Its why there are more female counselors and grade school teachers.

However, sometimes this nurturing, mothering instinct goes beyond children and applies to loser men. Ive heard women who dated losers (and even abusive ones) tell me, in complete sincerity, that they were the only ones who understood him and could help him. They take on the responsibility of saving a grown man.

Saving a horrible and abusive grown man sounds mentally sick (and is), but oxytocin doesnt just create romantic bonds, but as I mentioned, mother/child bonds. So, romantic love within a woman can be much more complicated than just sexual attraction. A woman could have a deep romantic desire to save a man and her brain chemistry tells her its normal and even noble. So, a woman might have the same difficulty abandoning a troubled man as much as she does letting go of a troubled child.

Most people have issues with self-esteem, including women. They genuinely believe they cannot land another man even if they try. So, they stick with the current loser in the sincere belief that they dont deserve anyone else.

This isnt a run of the mill type of low confidence either. These could be beautiful women who, for whatever reason, feel deep down they dont deserve better. The issue is more than simply talking her out of being with a loser; rather its a fundamental personality issue.

Many men have trouble admitting that a beautiful girl with a loser guy could begasp. The Halo Effect is strong with pretty women. Guys assume that because she is pretty, or wears glasses, or whatever, that she must be nice and innocent. Or, they assume that she must someone how be the victim of a manipulative loser man.

However, plenty of women use drugs, make poor decisions that jeopardize the health and well-being of others, and are physically and emotionally abusive. So, make no mistake, a woman who dates losers probably isnt good at making decisions. And, the chances are good shes also a loser. You just let your attraction to her or feelings of pity cloud your reality to that fact. Davidwrote more extensively about this topic here.

If youre a guy, when you see a woman dating a loser, dont get worked up about it. Complaining about her boyfriend choices will usually be totally fruitless. No woman will be lectured into dating you over a loser. You will just make her defensive and come up with new and creative reasons to continue dating him.

Instead, be excellent and attractive. This blog has tips. Our book offers many, many more. Attract her to you and show her how being with you is a far more exciting and attractive alternative. Get her evolutionarily programmed attraction buttons focused on you instead.

Avoid the temptation to be awhite knighttrying to save your female friends. Sadly, if she chooses guys you consider to be losers over you, then let her live the results of her choices. Be a good friend (if she is your friend) and supportive, but dont expect to rush in and save her from herself. And, dont gloat over her choices. You may make bad choices at some point, and you dont want judged.

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, and dating/relationship expert. Hes helped millions through his articles, speaking engagements, and coaching. Hes appeared in over 500 major publications, including Business Insider, Psychology Today, and The Wall Street Journal.

well with many women being such Losers themselves these days, they certainly fit right in with the Loser Guys.

Id also add another point: they crave the drama, and losers tend to give them lots of it.

Speaking of Losers, Career women are the Biggest Losers of them all since many of them carry their Greed And Selfishness with them wherever they go. Quite a Change in the women of today compared to the real Good old fashioned women that we once had years ago that are all gone now Unfortunately which is why many of us Good men are still Single today.

You are just a pathetic piece of shit who is pissed that youll never be able to get a woman who is career oriented. You think women should bow down to you and have dinner ready for you when really they are more capable of making a living than you are. What fucking losers all of you are on this thread.

Want to see a typical woman-getting-hooked-on-loser-guy relationship, netflix episodes 6 and 8 of 30 Rocks season 1.

Its tough not to judge women who date losers because even though they always seem to complain about the losers they date, they tend to only date losers & push decent men away. The most interesting thing is that they tend to treat men how they are treatedeven thought they complain. The sad thing is that their lack of self & situational awareness seems systemic & is reflected in many areas of their life & decisions which tends to make them incapable of committing to a healthy relationship, so though it might be disappointing in some cases & I understand them, I just choose to offer friendship but wont date women like that based on personal experience, but mostly from observation with people I know.

Im sorry to say that but youre part of the problem, D01. Friendship from guys like you is the safety net every woman needs to date losers.

Women need three things: sex, a shoulder to cry on, and a provider. Lets put provider aside as its irrelevant to this. Many (the emotionally immature and hedonists/thrill-seekers especially) will typically want to get sex with the most thrilling guys, and thrilling guys come with a lot of problems, and so what they need concomitantly to this is a sexless, platonic guy they can vent to about their lover. And the more readily available those guys are, the more white knights there are (think of Forrest Gump when he got all upset when that girl was being hit by her hot badboy boyfriend) the wider and stronger the safety net for many girls to seek the most thrilling, out-of-the-box, lover-type guys and get it on with them.

By the way, the platonic shopping guys who listen to women complain about the studs theyre getting shagged by are the true losers in the biological sense, right up there with the cuckold provider.

Very well stated Tim thank you. I had a friend (who Ive stood up for and never spoke ill of) white knight my girlfriend this weekend. Talked trash about me, made her feel bad for how horrible women treat him, and played the good guy. Meanwhile Im sick, and wondering why he hasnt been returning my texts for months. The bad part is my beautiful girlfriend knew what was going on and acted like it wasnt weird that he responds to every text shes sent and not one of mine? she wanted to make me jealous, and would be happier if I kicked his ass rather than if I didnt. I just want someone who is honest and loyal, but beauty pulls me in and often times blinds me, until the same patterns start to appear again. They are both self centered and only care about their own needs. It makes me sad and truly depresses me that people are like this. I have faults, but I cant imagine treating a loved one badly or being unkind on purpose.

I wouldnt worry too much about the guy. Whiteknights arent usually that respected by the women they chat with theyre generally just used to vent, or as you said perhaps to make you jealous.

If your friend betrayed you like this then its time to end it with him. And if girlfriend keeps blatantly playing these games to make you jealous and toy with you, tell her assertively knock it off.

Also, dont give her everything she says she wants and dont be at her beck and call; she says she wants a guy like that but they end up growing bored with him when he does. Just do you thing and have her participate in your life and endeavors from time to time when you feel like it. Thats the type of guy they love (as opposed to the type they say they love).

If she doesnt get on with the program, and if she wont quit with the jealousy games, send her packing.

MGTOW now is the way to go. Less pain, aggravation, much more money in our pocket, and we will never loose in court.

Ok. Heres the thing. I am successful and I would date someone who was jobless under certain circumstances but if hes jobless and has other issues ,its too much. Its a case by case thing.

I recently crossed paths with someone who was jobless, lived with mom, smoked pot a lot, and was clingy AF. Plus the relationship with his last girlfriend who was ultra trashy ended much too recently.

Need I say more. And get this, after they broke up and he went to live with his mom again, the ex gf rented and apartment on the same block. Can you say insanity?

He said he needed a good woman in his life. Of course he did. He needed someone to clean up his mess.

If it was different and the guy had less insanity going on, Id consider dating him. Some people can be extremely stable and lose their jobs and not be totally screwed up.

If it was a guy who had a great job and was really actively looking for a new one plus had the rest of his life in order, Id give it a try. I have no problem springing for lunch or dinner or paying for myself if the company is good and the person is mature. God knows Ive met asses who had money that were intolerable and I never wanted to see them again.

I think someone nailed it in the comments, they like drama (even though they say they dont) and losers give them drama. Also, I believe they know they are losers themselves so it feels comfortable for them. I once had a girl tell me she likes assholes because they understand her. I thought oh my god, I had never heard of such an insane statement. It made me mad and sad. I am always dumbfounded by beautiful women going for weird, low-life people and pass on good, loyal folks.

Im able to comment on this because Im a woman, who has dated women just like this. Its upsetting and sad. You just have to move on and understand that they are not right for you. They are not interested in you because they are interested in scum, and you are not scum.

Its because they remind them of their loser fathers

So not pissing your money away on college, makes you a loser. Being thousands of dollars in debt, and broke, makes you a winner. I understand now, it makes perfect sense.

There are numerous reasons women date the losers and so called bad boys. Some of these guys are genuine and exude sex appeal, confidence, assertiveness and so on, Then you have the guys that learned how to ACT that way. Some of these women go for these guys for thrills or the way the man looks. I know one woman who had 2 children by the same loser 5 years apart. The thing about that is she knew the man was a drug dealer alcoholic womanizer, just she wanted her children to look like that man. When she confessed that it blew my mind. I thought wow with millions of good men out there that would do right by you you pick that guy based on his looks, as if there are no decent men that look as good if not better. The drama theory is good and probably accurate. My theory is if a woman has a really good man and gets Bored she needs a really good excuse to get rid of him because her family, friends and society will say whats wrong with you?, you had a good man. Now if she dates loser guy she has plenty of excuses to cheat and get rid of that guy any time she chooses.

Well unfortunately most women Arent that smart at all these days to begin with, and will go after these type of deadbeat loser guys which i will never understand that one at all either.

I know a girl who is a mechanical engineer from a top-notch school. She and I served on a church worship team shes an amazing singer and actor too. Shes very attractive and I kinda of had a crush on her but I thought she was way out of my league and never dared to ask her out. I just found out shes dating a fat loser; she has posted pics all over FB. The guy is not a bad boy, but hes unemployed video game programmer and has posted his resume on FB seeking a job.

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